Florida Visitors Urged To Return Home. Trump Threatens to Close FL Borders to Northerners, Muslims, Hindus & Catholics

Since I first wrote this article providing a helpful list for those planning on visiting us this season, I have had second thoughts about inviting any more of you folks to visit or move to Florida. From my perspective, it's really not a great idea. The better option is to find some other part of the world to spend your winters. Florida is vastly over rated. Trump will probably prohibit you from visiting Florida anyway. So stay away

I forgot about the crowds, traffic and long lines everywhere, especially at the restaurants. It was nice for most of the late fall and early winter. But now, with the horrible unseasonably warm weather occurring in the North, there is no reason to come down to Florida.

Stay home. It's getting too damn crowded down here. Try the islands, it's nice there as well..You will love the Caribbean.

But, if you really have your heart set on coming down, do it in July, August or September when it is unbearably hot and humid so much so that you can't wait to head back north. If you only have a couple of weeks to spend with us in Florida, let me give you a heads up. As nice as the weather may seem-especially when you compare it to the crappy weather you have in the north, you could very possibly run into a week or two of rainy, cloudy, windy and cool weather that is not beach or swimming weather. Don't expect a refund, All you can do is spend time shopping or doing dumb tourist stuff. After a few weeks, you can return home looking pasty white with no sign of a sun tan.

Last year during one of our Florida hiatuses, it was hot. I don't mean Michigan or Minnesota or Ohio hot. I mean it was Florida Hot. It was unbearable, unpleasant and ugly . That's the kind of weather that can just drop in on ou here for a week, a month or an entire season. To add even more to your discomfort it is humid with all the adjectives used above.

Did I mention the bugs ? oh yeah we have some doozies . Shake your shoes before you put them on and be careful when you sit down on the toilet. Strange creatures often find their way there. It doesn't hurt to shake your pillow and look under the bed and bed covers.

Reminds me of the time when i left an open bottle of beer on the floor nect to the couch where i was resting. What a surprise when I took a big swig of my beer and almost swallowed a huge cockroach. Yuck. You should learn to chew your beer before swallowing.

You don't want to be here. Try the Carolinas. California even Alaska. Stay home. The only reason we are here is because we own our place. So we made a mistake. That is why we are stuck here.

The sand on the beach is too hot to walk on. The swimming pool is uncomfortably hot and the outdoor restaurants are so hot that your beer tastes like hot tea a minute or so after the server brings it out to you.

Trust me. You won't like Florida so why bother. Stay home.

But if you are tired of the c-c-old and snow and insist on heading to the land of sunshine and cute umbrella drinks then the time is nearly at hand to begin preparing for your journey to your winter retreat. If you are like us, you will be leaving a home somewhere in the frozen tundras of the North Country and heading to Florida or somewhere in the tier of Southern States. We head to the Florida Gulf Coast, Cape Coral to be specific. To be sure that your home is left protected during the oncoming winter, there are number of steps to consider before you walk out the door and head south. The same packing instructions apply.

But if you feel you must come here are a few tips. It's the least I can do for you/

Everyone has some sort of departure ritual.If you are doing this for the first time may appreciate the advice more than the experienced old hands. It’s a judgement call on whether you follow all of these steps. We have made the trip over a dozen times and we still refer to our check list. It depends on how anal you are. If you get just one or two ideas, this will be worth your time.

Remember what Trump has told us about all the illegal Mexicans and hispanics in Florida. They are all criminals and drug dealers so the #1 thing to bring if you get here are your guns.

Bring YOUR WEAPONS and lots of ammo

AK 47's are good so are Glocks . You will need them to protect yourself from the criminals. Ask Trump. Mexico sends their worst people here.

Drugs are everywhere, so watch your kids. They are targeted here,

Daughters, especially pretty ones are in danger from sex traffickers and perverts, Don't let them out of your sight . Sleep if you can with your weapon at your side, Welcome To Florida. Really, in all my years here, I have never been threatened by anyone with a gun.

Oh, here is that advice I promised ... sucker.

• Tell someone where you are and how you can be reached in the case of an emergency
• Advise your dearest and nearest neighbors of your planned departure.
• Don't forget to bring and wear body armor after dark. Don'y plan on buying it here. It's always out of stock due to high demand
• Give friends and family your cell phone, land line and email for where they can reach you.
• Leave your neighbors with a list of family members they can reach if an emergency arises that requires immediate attention. You sure don't want to fly home for every minor occurrence. That’s what kids are for.
• That reminds me. You better tell your kids you’re leaving and where you have hidden a key. Do they know about your safety deposit box, your will, and where you want to be planted or spread it if something should happen? Have you granted anyone limited power of attorney for just that sort of event? Maybe you should do that before departure.
• Ask someone to pick up papers, packages etc. left to accumulate on your front porch
• You might ask your local police or sheriff department to do an occasional check of your property.
• Take along an address book so you can send post cards. Old folks still do that.
• Bring those books you never had a chance to get to

This are not be in any order but these are things you might consider doing.

• prepay your funeral expenses or you are liable to spend an eternity in a refrigerated shelf at a local morgue if your family is too cheap to claim you.
• Just before you depart, set your thermostat so that your furnace will turn on when the inside temperature reaches 50 degrees or so. You don’t want your pipes to freeze, but you don’t want to heat it when there is no one home to keep warm.
• Adjust your water heater to ‘Vacation Mode”
• If you prefer, shut off the water supply to the heater and turn the ignitor to the off position, Shut off water supply to outside faucets and leave the faucets open for complete drainage.
• If you have a sump pump, consider installing a back up system to prevent flooding if your power fails.
• Change the furnace filter
• Shut off the pilot light for your gas fireplace logs
• Shut your fireplace damper
• Some homeowners drain all their toilets and shut the water main down completely. This may be an overreaction. However, if you live in extremely cold areas of the North Country, it may be advisable to do so.

• Install motion detectors on some or all of your outdoor light fixtures.
• Put a couple of your indoor lamps on timers to give the illusion of someone being home. Replace bulbs with long lasting, cost efficient flourescent light bulbs.
• Look into the new device that simulates the flashing lights of a TV set,
• Turn off answering machines unless you plan on monitoring them remotely from afar
• Place your cable TV and phone on vacation mode to save money over the time you are away.
• If you are a two car family, cancel your auto insurance on the car you are leaving behind, except for fire and theft damage. Oh, disconnect the battery cables
• Cancel newspaper subscriptions
• Arrange to have your mail forwarded. You can do it online or at the local USPS branch
• Arrange for snow removal while you are away.
• lay poles in side tracks of sliding patio doors to lock in place
• lock all windows and double lock all entry doors just before you depart

After you accomplish these tasks, someone will inevitably run back in to the house and double check. My wife rechecks everything, especially if the task was my responsibility. Remember, anal is, as anal does.

More pre trip chores for you

• Empty refrigerators and freezers. Try to use up the contents before you leave
• Distribute frozen meat and fish to relatives or friends unless you can get it to your vacation site before it thaws or spoils.
• Take whatever condiments that will survive the trip
• Wash freezer and fridge. Put a box of baking soda in each side and leave doors open
• Consider making auto-pay arrangements with your bank for utilities and other ongoing household expenses, car and mortgage payments and insurance, etc.
• Go over the clothes you have packed. Take out half of them. You will probably spend most of your time in shorts and tee shirts, bathing suits and sandals. Leave out most of your fancy duds, unless you are spending your time at a resort or belong to a country club.

P.S. We wrote this for the benefit of those who own or rent a vacation home that is fully equipped. You may have to include and pack more living essentials if you are not familiar with your rental unit offers. Check with the rental agent before you head south.

Finally

• If you don’t have a bank debit card, you may consider getting one, particularly if your bank does not have a branch at your vacation site. You can then obtain cash anywhere you may be.
• Call ahead to your destination (if you own the home) and arrange for cable and other essentials to be turned on before your arrival.

Finally Again

Depending on when you leave, you may encounter a rush of other snowbirds heading south. It might be advisable to make hotel reservations along your drive route to insure a roof over your head. If you are traveling with pets, many hotels and motels allow you to bring your well behaved pet along to share the room. La Quinta, (see link below) Clarion and Comfort Inns are all pet friendly. They are just a few of the many hotels that have recently invited travelers to bring their pooches for a relaxing night’s sleep. If your pet is on a special diet, bring a supply along in case you can't locate any upon your arrival. Make sure Fido has had all his shots. He will need to be on an anti flea medication if you are heading south.

My last bits of advice, I promise:

Remember that the days are shorter this time of year, especially when daylight savings time concludes. Our aging eyes are not as receptive as they once were to driving during the evening hours. Fortunately, daylight savings time doesn’t end this year until November 1. Get an early start if you don't like driving in the dark.

One more thing ... the final, final thing
Here’s hoping our tip sheet can offer you a bit or more of helpful information. Good luck on your trip south. Drive safely fellow snowbirds. See you on the trail. I’m the guy driving along at the speed limit, while everybody passes us … especially on I-75 near Atlanta. I’m the old guy with the pretty, platinum-blond wife.

By the way, hopefully you will pack an overnight bag to take with you when you check in to hotel. We allow ourselves three days to travel the 1300 miles to our destination. That usually means two nights in a hotel. We make reservations ahead of time at 500 mile intervals so we are guaranteed a roof over our heads. Some folks drive a lot longer, but as retirees, we have all the time in the world. Why rush it? Somehow,it always works out to an average of 60 miles for each mile on the road, which includes food and fuel stops, potty stops, dog walks and a few et ceteras along the way.

What did I miss?

Good grief! I forgot the most important things you need to take.

Take:your time and don't forget to remember:

• a copy of your medication list .
• physician phone numbers, pharmacy phone
• Medicare and Medicaid cards
• all your medications
• medications in your overnight bag to keep you medicated on your way down
• passports -just in case you decide yoy take an island cruise to Cuba or wherever.

See your primary care doctor and have him issue new scripts for those that are about to expire. Make sure he has your winter address and phone number. Provide him with the number of a pharmacy that you use. If you foolishly decide you will be spending a few months here with me, find a primary care doctor who can be of service if something happens.

if you must come ... have a great time. yeah really. Heaven help you. No one in Florida will.

Repeat after me: Florida Sucks ten times

Hopefully you won't be back next year.

PS On your way down, or on your return north check out the Carolinas. Georgia, Alabama, Texas and other places you might prefer.